A Conversation with Your Doctor: Let's Talk About Your Safety This Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I wanted to take a moment to talk about something incredibly important: Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: "My primary care doctor? Why are we talking about this in an exam room?" And that's a fair thought. You come to me for your colds, your blood pressure, your refills. But the truth is, your overall health goes far beyond what I can see on a lab report. It includes your safety, your emotional well-being, and your peace of mind at home.

You see, as your primary care doctor, I'm often the first person you trust with your health, sometimes the only health professional you see regularly. I build relationships with my patients, listen to your concerns, and sometimes you tell me things that hint at bigger issues. And when it comes to domestic violence, those hints can be really subtle.

It's not always obvious. It's rarely a "textbook case."

When I think about domestic violence, I'm not just looking for obvious injuries. Believe me, I see patients come in with stories about "accidents" that just don't add up, or bruises that look concerning. But often, the signs are much quieter, much more insidious.

Maybe you've been coming in with frequent headaches, stomach issues, or chronic back pain that just won't go away even with treatment. Perhaps you've mentioned feeling constantly anxious, depressed, or unable to sleep. Sometimes, I'll notice you seem withdrawn, or that you're missing appointments more often than usual. Occasionally, I'll even hear a partner on the phone who seems overly controlling about your care or schedule.

These are the kinds of things that, when I put them together, make me wonder: Is there something going on in your home life that's affecting your health and safety?

Why I might ask the "hard questions."

I know these are uncomfortable topics, both to ask and to answer. Believe me, it's not easy for me to ask if you feel safe at home, or if someone is hurting you. But if I do, please know it comes from a place of deep concern for your well-being.

• You might not even realize it's violence or abuse. Sometimes, what's happening to you has been normalized by a partner, slowly eroding your sense of what's acceptable. You might think, "It's just how they are," or "I must have provoked them." But abuse is abuse, and it's never your fault.
• Fear and shame are powerful. I understand talking about this can be terrifying. You might fear retaliation, judgment, or what might happen to your children or your financial situation if you speak out. My office is a confidential space.
• I'm here to help, not to judge. My job isn't to tell you what to do. My job is to ensure you're healthy and safe, and to offer you resources if you need them and are ready to accept them.

What I want you to know today and every day:

1. You are not alone. Domestic violence touches so many lives, and it doesn't discriminate based on age, gender, background, or income.

2. It is never your fault. The person who chooses to abuse is always responsible for their actions.

3. My office is a safe space for you. If you ever need to talk, even if you just want information, please know you can bring it up during any appointment. You don't need to describe it in detail upfront; just tell me you want to talk about something sensitive related to your safety.

4. I can connect you to resources. I have information about local support groups, safe shelters, legal aid, and hotlines that can help you understand your options, whether you're ready to leave now or just want to plan for the future.

5. Your safety is a top priority. If I ask questions about your safety at home, it's because I genuinely care about you and want to make sure you have the support you need to be healthy and secure.

This October, as we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to emphasize your health extends to every part of your life. If you're feeling unsafe, unheard, or unsupported at home, please don't suffer in silence.

Don't wait until things get worse. Your safety and peace are just as important as managing your blood pressure or treating an infection. Reach out to your primary care provider to schedule today.

Additional Support Lines

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788
• Love Is Respect: 1-866-331-9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522