Grief from Missing Major Life Events
Missing a Celebration
November 7, 2020 was supposed to be one the most special days of my life. It was the day that I was going to marry my best friend. Mind you, I will always remember November 7, 2020 as one of the greatest days of my life. But I will also remember it as one of the most difficult weeks in my life. I remember my fiancé calling me on the Wednesday before our wedding, informing me that my soon to be sister and brother-in-law both tested positive for COVID-19. Shortly after, two of our best friends found out that they were exposed, and then my own sister and brother-in-law. Anger and sadness set in. None of those individuals would be celebrating my soon to be wife’s and my special day.
Grief is something that I have experienced in many ways, as well as the patients that I serve on a regular basis. Missing those major life events are things that no one wants to experience, however, it happens. I have felt that pain, my patient’s have felt that pain, and when it comes to my wedding, family and friends have felt that pain. There are many heartbreaking things that occur with missing major life events. You have no memories, you are not in the pictures, you do not have the opportunity to mingle and celebrate or remember someone. You feel empty.
It’s Okay to Be Sad
When it comes to heightened grief surrounding missing major life events, the one thing that we all should remember is: IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD – YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Many of the individuals that I have spoken with often feel ashamed or embarrassed because they were unable to experience major life events, especially with the pandemic. The second thing that you should remember is: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have the right to grieve!
A lot of individuals, including myself, often forget that there will be more milestones to celebrate. I do not want to discount the emotions from missing certain life events, however, one important thing to always have in the forefront of your mind is to stay positive and make sure that you are keeping yourself mentally well. If we can experience something as painful like missing a milestone, we can also experience the joy of showing resiliency and making those next ones or the anniversaries of the ones we missed, the best.
If you are experiencing any signs of grief, such as depression, loss of interest, overwhelming anxiety, not being able to complete daily routines or activities, or the inability to stop blaming yourself, please make sure to speak with your doctor or health care professional. Take care of yourself and look forward to those upcoming life events that you will be sure to not miss!
Visit chihealth.com/behavioral to connect with a CHI Health mental health provider. We offer in-person and virtual therapy sessions with our team of licensed mental health therapists.