Teen Dating Violence: Advice for Parents

By Megan Kalata, MD January 31, 2025 Posted in: Parenting

The numbers are alarming. About one-third of teens in the U.S. experience physical, sexual or emotional abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with. Nearly half of college-age women experience the same.

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month during February shines a light on the fact that dating violence is more common than we may realize and not something that only happens when we are older.

Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships

It is important that all partners treat one another with dignity, respect their boundaries, and value the other’s autonomy. In a healthy relationship, both partners communicate and are honest and trusting of one another.

In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may not communicate well, is disrespectful, or only wants to spend time with the other. In an abusive relationship, one partner may communicate in a way that is hurtful or threatening, and they may mistreat, control or isolate their partner from others.

Dating abuse is often not an isolated incident. It becomes a pattern of behaviors by a partner meant to make the other person question their self-worth and become more entrenched in the abusive relationship.

Supporting Teens

There is no single approach to helping someone who is in an abusive relationship, but parents can help by simply talking about healthy relationships and signs of dating violence. It is critical for young people to learn skills to create and maintain healthy relationships early in their preteen and teen years.

Processing emotions and helping survivors get the help they need can be difficult. Ending an abusive relationship is not easy. People who use their power and control in a relationship will try hard to maintain that control, making it very challenging to leave.

It is also important to show the person you care for that you support them and respect their agency in decision-making. Listening and being supportive and standing by them in difficult times can help your loved one, and know that if things escalate to a dangerous point, adults need to step in.

Warning Signs to Watch For

Parents should watch for several warning signs of teen dating violence, which can manifest in both the victim and the abuser. It's important to remember that these signs may not always be obvious, and a single instance doesn't necessarily indicate abuse. However, a pattern of these behaviors should raise serious concerns:

Signs in the Teenager Who Might Be the Victim:

Changes in behavior or personality: Sudden mood swings, increased anxiety or depression, withdrawal from friends and family, changes in grades or school performance, difficulty sleeping or concentrating.
Physical injuries: Unexplained bruises, cuts, or other injuries. Be cautious about explanations that seem inconsistent or improbable.
Self-harm: Cutting, burning, or other forms of self-injury.
Changes in appearance: Dressing differently to hide injuries, avoiding activities they once enjoyed.
Possessive or controlling behavior from their partner: The teen constantly checks their phone, restricts their access to friends or family, or makes decisions for them. The teen might mention their partner being jealous or controlling.
Fear of their partner: The teen seems afraid to talk about their relationship, avoids certain topics, or seems afraid of their partner's reaction.
Isolation from friends and family: The teen spends less time with friends and family, and their social circle shrinks.
Sudden changes in their phone or social media activity: They might be secretive about their phone, delete social media accounts, or block certain people.
Low self-esteem: The teen expresses feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy.
Explaining away their partner's behavior: The teen makes excuses for their partner's actions, saying things like "They didn't mean it" or "It's my fault."

Signs in the Teenager Who Might Be the Abuser:

Controlling behavior: They try to control their partner's actions, friends, or appearance.
Jealousy and possessiveness: They are excessively jealous of their partner's friends or activities.
Anger and aggression: They have frequent outbursts of anger or aggression.
Threats and intimidation: They use threats or intimidation to control their partner.
Blaming others: They always blame others for their problems.
History of violence or aggression: They have a history of violence or aggression in other relationships.

It's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding. Open communication and a non-judgmental approach are key to helping your teen. If you suspect teen dating violence, seek professional help from a counselor, therapist, or other qualified professional. You can also contact organizations dedicated to preventing and addressing domestic violence.

Dating violence is an issue that impacts everyone, including teens, their families, friends and communities. Together, we can improve awareness about teen dating violence and promote safe, healthy relationships.