Walking the Middle Path: Parenting Teens with Patience and Purpose

Understanding the Adolescent Brain and Its Challenges

As a provider who frequently works with adolescents and their families, I often hear things like “I don’t know what happened, one day they were an easy going child and then it was like a switch flipped and now they are moody all the time and hardly ever communicate with me and when they do communicate, we don’t agree on anything.”

The adolescent brain is something that is very complex and going through many changes. During adolescence, the brain is undergoing restructuring, with the emotional and reward centers developing faster than the decision-making and reasoning areas. This imbalance can lead to big emotions, impulsivity, and risk-taking behaviors.

Unfortunately, there is not an instruction manual on how to always effectively navigate parenting through these tumultuous times. However, there are some coping strategies that come from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that can help to make things a little easier.

This set of skills was developed by  Judy Rathus and Alec Miller, based on the work of Marsha Linehan, and is called “Walking the Middle Path.”

Defining "Walking the Middle Path" in Parenting

"Walking the middle path" in parenting refers to finding a balanced approach that avoids the extremes of overly strict or overly permissive parenting styles, promoting a more adaptable and effective parenting style.

This approach encourages parents to acknowledge and validate their teen's emotions while also working together to find plausible solutions to address their difficulties. Parenting teenagers requires a delicate balance, navigating between excessive control and complete permissiveness.

The middle path emphasizes guidance, support, and open communication while allowing teenagers to develop independence.

Using this approach will help to improve parent-teen relationships because it fosters better communication and leads to greater trust. It helps to reduce power struggles and rebellious behaviors. And it helps teenagers to develop critical thinking skills as well as self-reliance.

Fostering Open Communication

It is critical for parents of teenagers to be able to have open lines of communication.

This can be based on making sure that the teenager feels like they have a safe space to share things with their parents. This can be created by the parent by actively listening without judgment and attempting to show an understanding of what their child is saying or needing.

It also includes avoiding being dismissive of their child's emotions or concerns.

Establishing Boundaries and Expectations

Next it is important to establish boundaries through clear and reasonable expectations, as well as consequences if the expectations are not met. The expectations and consequences can be negotiated and adjusted over the course of time and situation.

Parents are encouraged to offer advice and support as opposed to dictating actions, thus allowing their child to explore options and consider the outcomes.

This also helps them to recognize that teenagers need to learn to make their own choices. If mistakes or missteps happen, they will learn by dealing with the consequences. This will in turn help the child to develop resilience.

Challenges and Benefits of the Middle Path

There can be challenges as well as benefits to this parenting approach. Teenagers may initially test boundaries.

It may be a bit overwhelming and unnerving for the parents to let go of control and trust their child to make their own decisions. Also, finding the right balance between control and autonomy can be difficult and may require a lot of adjustment.

On the other hand, however, this approach can help to strengthen the relationship with their child by improving communication and reducing power struggles. It also helps to improve emotional well-being and critical thinking skills in the teen.

The Ongoing Journey of Walking the Middle Path

Walking the middle path is an ongoing and developing process of learning, adjusting, and finding what works best for each parent and their teenagers.

It will require a considerable amount of patience, tolerance, and understanding from everyone involved.

If you would like to learn more about parenting teenagers using DBT Skills and Walking the Middle Path, I recommend the following books:

• DBT FOR PARENTS: Practical DBT Skills For The Invisible Challenges Of Parenting by Tiffany Scott
• The Essential Guide to Self-Regulation and DBT Skills for Teens and their Parents: How to Reduce Conflict and Tension at Home and Work Together to Boost Communication and co-Operation by Hariett White
• Effective Self Regulation Strategies for Parents: Reduce Family Stress Through DBT Skills That Master Anger Management, Reduce Emotional Outbursts and Improve Parent-Child Relationships by Syannon Snyder