Finding One Another: Suggestions on How to Make Friends

Establishing and maintaining friendships is a fundamental aspect of human development, particularly significant during adolescence, though still vital at every stage of life. Research has consistently demonstrated that cultivating supportive and caring friendships is linked to a general sense of well-being and mental stability. Healthy and positive friendships are also crucial when facing challenging and adverse situations, as friends are often the ones that show up to provide genuine care and support. 

How Social Media Impacts Friendships

Currently, many individuals find it increasingly difficult to engage in real-life social interactions. The rise of the internet and social media has led people to rely heavily on their devices for social activity, often at the expense of face-to-face connections. While this new mode of interaction is not inherently detrimental, exclusive reliance on virtual communications can foster patterns of isolation and avoidance. Such behavior may impede the healthy development of socio-emotional skills necessary for forming friendships and connecting with others.

Virtual vs. Real Life Shared Experiences

As we grow up, we make friends in various ways. In childhood, our parents often facilitated our friendships by taking us to places like playgrounds, birthday parties, and summer camps. During adolescence, we began choosing where to go and who to spend time with more actively. These connections often started within groups or with one or two people and become significant over time through repeated interactions.

Shared experiences today occur more in a virtual environment than in real life. This shift is notably different for those who had different experiences growing up in previous generations. While not necessarily wrong, it represents a significant change. The implications of this new mode of interaction on human development raise concerns regarding the development of trust, intimacy, and other important social skills. Elements such as recognizing others' needs, offering help, showing care, and noticing when a friend is struggling typically require real-life attention, which cannot be effectively conveyed through social media. Nonverbal communication is difficult to detect through text messaging, leading to potentially absent or delayed responses in critical moments. 

Loneliness Epidemic

On a social media platform, one may see smiling friends but not necessarily those who are suffering and could benefit from support, validation, or simply companionship during difficult times. This observation applies broadly to our interactions as well. The prevalent loneliness epidemic that many researchers describe is partly attributed to the gap in social connections that were more robust when individuals engaged with each other in person and participated actively in shared environments. This raises an important question: How can we reconnect with one another effectively? Or, if such connections have never been established, how can we initiate them?

Courage to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

Since there is no universal manual on how to make friends or how to be a friend, it is crucial that with exposure and initiative, we embrace our vulnerabilities to connect and find one another in an honest and caring manner. Building friendships also requires a willingness to showcase our positive traits because ultimately, it is about being available to share who we are, which allows us to express what we have to offer and accept what others bring as well. 

Many individuals often question why some people appear to have an easier time forming friendships, particularly when they themselves struggle with social anxiety and fear of rejection or criticism. It is important to recognize that what may seem effortless for some may not always have been so. For many, developing close friendships required significant courage to step out of their comfort zones and venture into unfamiliar social landscapes. 

Leaving Devices Behind

The initial step in overcoming social anxiety is often the most challenging, as it requires individuals to venture beyond their comfort zones. It is crucial to leave one's home and limit reliance on electronic devices, while seeking activities of personal interest. Engaging in pursuits that align with one's interests fosters authenticity and ease, which are vital for establishing common ground with others. Generally, forming close friendships necessitates taking proactive steps to interact with the external environment. 

Finding Shared Interests Locally is Key

Engaging with local community activities can be a practical approach to meeting new people. Joining a sports team, participating in a faith-based organization, enrolling in a class, or doing volunteer work increases the chances of connecting with individuals who share common interests. Regular involvement in these activities can help develop new relationships over time. Research indicates that proximity enhances the likelihood of friendship due to increased familiarity and comfort. When cultivating new friendships, consider the importance of geographical closeness, whether at the workplace, within community groups, or through a blend of online and offline interactions. The internet has expanded our social networks, allowing online communities to play a significant role in modern social connections. 

Sustaining Friendships Takes Effort

It is also important to consider that sharing common interests is beneficial for initiating, but not solely sufficient to sustain, a good friendship. Friendships naturally evolve over time; for instance, a friendship that began with a shared interest in Video Games can easily transform into other shared activities such as enjoying ice cream, watching various types of movies, skating or bowling, appreciating each other's company while stargazing, providing soup when one is ill, or calling to check on each other after a breakup or after losing a loved one. The initial interest in Video Games provided an excellent foundation upon which many other aspects of the relationship were built. 

Benefits of Friendship Are a Worthwhile Pursuit

It is important to remember that each friendship is unique, with its own strengths and limitations. Ultimately you will want a friend that gets you and is available to experience life together. That requires mutual investment and ability to show up in both good and challenging times. There are many options for support and guidance in this process for anybody that struggles with barriers such as anxiety or depression. Despite challenges, the benefits of forming friendships make it worthwhile to pursue.

CHI Health is Here When You Need Extra Support

Visit chihealth.com/behavioral to connect with a CHI Health mental health provider. We offer in-person and virtual therapy sessions with our team of licensed mental health providers.

Sources

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological bulletin, 117(3), 497.

Knapp, M. L, & Hall, J. A (2010). Nonverbal communication in human interaction (Seventh.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.